FAMILY MEMORIES • SOUTHERN WISDOM • NOSTALGIA

Grandma Said WHAT?
Old Sayings We Still Remember

The unforgettable wisdom, warnings, and hilarious expressions our grandmothers and mothers passed down.

By Author J. A. Jackson

“God don't like ugly!”

Oh, honey! If you grew up hearing those five little words, then you already know exactly where this conversation is going!

Let me ask you something.

Do you remember growing up when your grandmother or mother had a saying for absolutely EVERYTHING?

And I do mean EVERYTHING!

You could be minding your own business, sitting at the kitchen table, reaching for another biscuit, or getting ready to do something you had absolutely no business doing.

And before you could even finish your thought, here came Mama or Granny with one of those famous sayings.

“Your eyes are bigger than your stomach!”
“Every shut eye ain't sleep!”
“A hard head makes a soft behind!”

Lord have mercy!

Those women didn't need motivational speakers, parenting podcasts, or self-help books.

They had a lifetime of wisdom, a sharp memory, and a collection of sayings that could stop you in your tracks.

And somehow, they always knew exactly which one to use!

Today, I want to take us on a little journey down memory lane. Back to the days when our mothers and grandmothers handed out life lessons disguised as funny little expressions.

Because some of those sayings were hilarious.

Some were confusing.

And some? Well, we didn't understand them until we got grown and life started teaching us the very lessons Granny had been trying to explain all along!

Why Do We Still Remember Grandma's Old Sayings?

Here's something I've been thinking about.

Why is it that we can forget what we ate for dinner last Tuesday, but we can still remember something our grandmother said fifty years ago?

Maybe it's because those words came wrapped in love, discipline, humor, and sometimes a look that told you not to ask another question.

Our grandmothers and mothers were passing down more than expressions.

They were passing down family history, cultural traditions, survival skills, and lessons about human nature.

These sayings were part of everyday storytelling. They taught children how to recognize dishonesty, exercise patience, respect others, and understand consequences.

And many of us have carried those words into adulthood without even realizing it.

Sometimes I catch myself repeating an expression and think:

“Oh, my goodness! I've turned into my mother!”

And you know what? That might not be such a bad thing.

1. “God Don't Like Ugly!”

Now, this one right here deserves a place in the Grandmother Hall of Fame!

And before anybody gets confused, Granny wasn't necessarily talking about somebody's appearance.

Oh, no! She was talking about your BEHAVIOR!

Being mean, hateful, disrespectful, dishonest, or treating people badly.

If Granny said, “God don't like ugly,” you had better examine your attitude immediately.

And if she followed that up with “Quit acting ugly!” well, congratulations. You had officially received your first warning!

The lesson: Character matters more than appearances. How you treat people says more about you than how you look.

2. “Every Shut Eye Ain't Sleep!”

Oh, this was a good one!

As a child, I wondered what on earth Granny was talking about.

If somebody's eyes were closed, weren't they sleeping?

Not necessarily, honey!

Sometimes people are paying attention even when you think they aren't.

And sometimes the quietest person in the room knows more than everybody else.

Granny was reminding us not to underestimate people.

The lesson: Be observant. Don't assume someone is unaware simply because they're quiet.

3. “A Hard Head Makes a Soft Behind!”

Now, if you heard this one growing up, you probably knew trouble was somewhere nearby.

This saying was an old-fashioned warning about stubbornness and consequences.

You could listen to good advice. Or you could insist on doing things your own way and discover why that advice had been given in the first place.

Personally, I think the modern version would be:

“You can learn from wisdom, or you can learn from experience. But experience might charge you extra!”

And believe me, life has a way of collecting!

The lesson: Listen to good advice, think before acting, and learn from mistakes.

4. “Everybody Ain't Your Friend!”

Whew! If only we had understood this one when we were younger!

Mama and Granny knew something about human nature.

Not everybody who smiles at you wishes you well.

Not everybody who compliments you is celebrating your success.

And not everybody who calls you their friend deserves access to your private business.

Which brings us to another favorite:

“Don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.”

Now, that saying could have different meanings depending on the situation, including doing good without seeking recognition.

But in some households, it also reminded us that not everybody needed to know everything about our personal affairs.

The lesson: Choose your friends wisely, practice discretion, and protect your peace.

5. “All Skin Folk Ain't Kinfolk!”

This expression carries an especially meaningful lesson in many Black families and communities.

Sharing the same background, appearance, or community does not automatically guarantee loyalty, kindness, or shared values.

True kinship is demonstrated through actions.

Sometimes the people who support you most are not related to you at all.

And sometimes those you expect to stand beside you simply don't.

The lesson: Judge people by their character, not merely by their connection to you.

6. “You Don't Believe Fat Meat Is Greasy!”

Now, this one used to make me laugh.

Because what exactly did fat meat have to do with somebody refusing to listen?

Everything, apparently!

This saying was often used when a child refused to believe something obvious or ignored repeated warnings.

Mama could tell you something ten different ways.

But if you insisted on finding out for yourself, she'd shake her head and say:

“You just don't believe fat meat is greasy!”

And later, when things turned out exactly as she'd predicted?

Well, let's just say you weren't going to receive much sympathy!

The lesson: Sometimes experience confirms what wiser people already tried to tell us.

7. “Pretty Is as Pretty Does!”

This is one of those beautiful old sayings that deserves to live forever.

Granny didn't care how attractive somebody was if they had an ugly attitude.

You could have the prettiest dress, the nicest hairstyle, and the biggest smile in the room.

But if you treated people badly? Granny was not impressed.

She knew that true beauty came from kindness, generosity, humility, and good manners.

The lesson: Real beauty is revealed through behavior.

8. “Your Eyes Are Bigger Than Your Stomach!”

Now, tell me this didn't happen at somebody's Sunday dinner!

There you were, looking at fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, greens, cornbread, sweet potatoes, and every dessert on the table.

Naturally, you wanted some of everything.

And Mama would say:

“Your eyes are bigger than your stomach!”

Of course, you didn't believe her.

Until you were sitting there staring at a plate full of food you couldn't possibly finish.

And don't even think about asking for dessert after all that!

The lesson: Know your limits, avoid waste, and don't take more than you need.

9. “If It Had Been a Snake, It Would've Bit You!”

Oh, this one was legendary!

You could spend fifteen minutes looking for something that was sitting right in front of your face.

Your shoes. Your sweater. Your schoolbooks.

And just when you were ready to announce that the item had disappeared into thin air, Mama would walk into the room, point directly at it, and say:

“If it had been a snake, it would've bit you!”

And there it was. Exactly where she'd told you to look in the first place.

I am convinced mothers possessed some kind of supernatural object-finding ability.

Because how else could they find everything?

The lesson: Slow down, pay attention, and look carefully before declaring something lost.

10. “You Think You're Grown Because You Smell Yourself!”

Now, THIS one!

Some of you might remember a slightly different version.

But the meaning was unmistakable.

You had reached that age when you thought you knew everything.

You wanted independence. You wanted privacy. You wanted to make your own decisions.

And you certainly didn't want Mama telling you what to do.

Then came those unforgettable words:

“You think you're grown because you smell yourself!”

Translation?

Just because you're getting older doesn't mean you've acquired all the wisdom that comes with adulthood.

And heaven help you if you rolled your eyes!

The lesson: Maturity requires responsibility, not simply age.

More Old-Fashioned Sayings That Deserve a Comeback

Let's see how many of these you remember!

• “You got to crawl before you walk.” — Learn the basics before rushing ahead.
• “What goes around comes around.” — Your actions have consequences.
• “Idle hands are the devil's workshop.” — Stay occupied with something worthwhile.
• “Everything good ain't good for you.” — Something tempting isn't necessarily beneficial.
• “All that glitters ain't gold.” — Appearances can be deceiving.
• “You got ugly ways.” — Your attitude needs improvement.
• “Gimme some sugar!” — Come give Granny a kiss or a little affection!
• “Madder than a wet hen.” — Somebody is extremely upset.
• “Don't put all your eggs in one basket.” — Have a backup plan.
• “A watched pot never boils.” — Be patient.
• “Don't count your chickens before they hatch.” — Don't celebrate something before it happens.
• “Sweep around your own front door.” — Examine your own behavior before criticizing others.
• “What's done in the dark will come to light.” — Secrets and wrongdoing may eventually be exposed.

And here's one I remember about keeping a quarter in your shoe so you could call home.

For those of us who grew up before cell phones, having emergency change for a pay phone was a practical little piece of family wisdom.

Imagine explaining that to today's children!

“Wait a minute. You mean you had to put MONEY into a telephone to call somebody?”

Yes, baby. And sometimes you had to find a telephone booth first!

Why These Sayings Matter More Than Ever

Our world has changed.

We have smartphones, artificial intelligence, social media, and more information available than previous generations could have imagined.

But human nature? Well, some things haven't changed nearly as much.

People still need to learn patience. Children still need guidance. Adults still need reminders about kindness, honesty, and common sense.

And we all need to remember that appearances can be deceiving.

The language of our grandmothers and mothers connected everyday situations to unforgettable lessons.

Many expressions were handed down through families, churches, neighborhoods, and communities. Their wording sometimes changed from one household or region to another.

And that's part of their charm.

One grandmother might say, “All that glitters isn't gold.”

Another might say, “Everything that shines ain't worth having.”

Different words. Same wisdom.

A Little Research Behind the Power of Family Wisdom

There's a reason the wisdom of our mothers and grandmothers deserves to be remembered.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau's February 2024 report, Grandparents and Their Coresident Grandchildren: 2021, approximately 2.08 million grandparents living with their grandchildren were responsible for their care in 2021.

The same research found that 8% of children under age 18 lived in their grandparents' homes, based on 2017–2021 American Community Survey estimates.

And among grandparents who lived with their grandchildren, 49.3% of those responsible for their grandchildren had carried that responsibility for five years or longer.

These figures don't tell us how many people remember Grandma saying, “God don't like ugly!” But they remind us how deeply grandparents can be involved in family life.

Beyond caregiving, many grandparents preserve traditions, share stories, and pass along the wisdom of previous generations.

And sometimes, an entire lifetime of experience can fit into one unforgettable sentence.

Research source: U.S. Census Bureau — Grandparents and Their Coresident Grandchildren: 2021

When Did We Start Sounding Like Our Mothers?

Here's the funny part about growing older.

One day, you're the child rolling your eyes because Mama is repeating another one of her famous sayings.

Then, years later, you hear yourself saying those exact same words.

And you stop. You blink. You look around.

And suddenly you realize:

“Oh, my goodness. That was my mother's voice coming out of MY mouth!”

Now you're telling somebody their eyes are bigger than their stomach.

You're reminding somebody that everybody isn't their friend.

And you're saying, “If it had been a snake, it would've bit you!”

The cycle continues.

But maybe that's something worth celebrating.

Because every time we repeat those expressions, we keep a little piece of family history alive.

Frequently Asked Questions About Grandma's Sayings

What are old-fashioned grandmother sayings?

Old-fashioned grandmother sayings are traditional expressions used to teach children life lessons about kindness, patience, honesty, respect, and common sense. Many are passed down through generations and combine humor, family wisdom, and everyday experiences.

What are some popular Southern grandmother sayings?

Popular examples include “God don't like ugly,” “Every shut eye ain't sleep,” “A hard head makes a soft behind,” “You don't believe fat meat is greasy,” “Pretty is as pretty does,” and “Madder than a wet hen.”

What does “God don't like ugly” mean?

It is a traditional expression warning against cruel, dishonest, disrespectful, or unkind behavior. It emphasizes that a person's actions and character matter more than outward appearance.

Why are grandmother sayings important?

Grandmother sayings preserve family history, cultural traditions, humor, and practical life lessons. Passed from one generation to another, they help families remember the values, experiences, and voices of their elders.

💗 Let's Keep Grandma's Wisdom Alive!

I started writing this article because I remembered the wonderful, funny, sometimes outrageous sayings my grandmother and mother used when I was growing up.

But then I realized something.

I can't possibly remember them all!

And that's where YOU come in!

I want us to build a collection of those unforgettable old-time sayings together.

Not just the famous ones. I want the funny ones. The unusual ones. The ones that made absolutely no sense when you were ten years old but became crystal clear when you turned forty!

“Oh, Lord! My Granny used to say THAT!”

YOUR TURN: ADD YOUR GRANDMA'S FAVORITE SAYING!

💗 Here's my challenge to you!

Leave a comment below answering these three questions:

1. What was your grandmother's or mother's favorite saying?
2. What did it mean in your family?
3. Do you find yourself repeating it today?

MY GOAL: 50 DIFFERENT SAYINGS FROM READERS!

And if you're comfortable sharing, tell us what state, region, or country your family comes from. It would be wonderful to discover how these expressions change from place to place.

💗 VISIT J. A. JACKSON'S GOOGLE BLOG

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If you enjoy discovering new stories, I would love to welcome you into my reader community.

📚 JOIN MY READER COMMUNITY!

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One Last Thing Before You Go…

If your grandmother or mother could give you just ONE piece of advice today, what do you think she would say?

Would it be:

“God don't like ugly!”
“Everybody ain't your friend!”
Or perhaps…
“Child, I done told you once already!”

Whatever it might be, I hope remembering those voices brings a smile to your face.

Because some of the greatest wisdom we ever received didn't come from a classroom.

It came from the kitchen table.

The front porch.

The family dinner.

And the women who loved us enough to tell us the truth, whether we wanted to hear it or not.

Now come on, everybody! Let's hear those Granny sayings!

With love, laughter, and a little grandmotherly wisdom,

Author J. A. Jackson 💗

WHAT WAS YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FAVORITE SAYING?

Share it in the comments below, and invite a friend to add theirs!

© 2026 Author J. A. Jackson. All rights reserved.

★ THE GRAND HOTEL IS NOW ON SPOTIFY! ★

The Origin Story of the La Cour Dynasty

The Beginning of the Lovers, Players & Seducers Series

SOME FAMILIES INHERIT FORTUNES.

THE LA COURS INHERITED SECRETS.

I am delighted to announce that The Grand Hotel — New Edition by J. A. Jackson can now be enjoyed as an audiobook on Spotify!

If you have ever wondered where the secrets, scandals, betrayals, romances, and complicated relationships of the La Cour family began, this is where you enter their world.

Before Nicholas La Cour.
Before Lacey La Cour.

Before the lovers, the players, the seducers, the betrayals, and the revenge...

There were Louis and Pearl La Cour.

And there was The Grand Hotel.

BEFORE THE SCANDALS, THERE WAS A BEGINNING

Long before Nicholas and Lacey La Cour grew up to discover just how dangerous love, money, revenge, and family loyalty could become, their parents stood at the center of a glamorous California world built upon old fortunes, powerful alliances, and carefully guarded secrets.

Louis La Cour is one of Silicon Valley's most respected men and chairman of the board of one of the region's oldest and wealthiest foundations.

But behind the polished California image lies something much older.

The families surrounding Louis share bonds stretching back generations—all the way to Louisiana, where their ancestors left behind old homes, old rivalries, unfinished business...

And secrets that were never supposed to follow them west.

BUT SOME SECRETS REFUSE TO STAY BURIED.

ONE GLITTERING NIGHT CHANGES EVERYTHING

At the prestigious Grand Hotel, Louis and his wife, Pearl, prepare for the magnificent Grand Isle Gala.

Crystal chandeliers.
Champagne.
Diamonds.
Designer gowns.
Powerful families gathered beneath one roof.

Generations of privilege smile for one another while carefully pretending that everyone in the room is exactly who they claim to be.

It should be a night of celebration.

INSTEAD, IT BECOMES THE BEGINNING OF A RECKONING.

A ruthless rival wants power.

A scheming woman wants something Louis La Cour possesses.

And somewhere behind the smiles, champagne glasses, and whispered conversations, someone is preparing to settle an old score.

Louis believes he knows what kind of woman he is dealing with.

He understands ambition.

He recognizes manipulation.

What he doesn't recognize—until it may already be too late—is the difference between a woman willing to scheme her way to the top...

...AND A MONSTER WILLING TO DESTROY EVERYONE STANDING IN HER WAY.

As jealousy turns into obsession and shattered dreams become weapons, love, lust, hatred, loyalty, and revenge collide inside The Grand Hotel.

And the consequences will not end when the gala is over.

They will follow the La Cour family for generations.

AND TWO CHILDREN ARE WATCHING...

Standing at the edges of this dangerous adult world are Nicholas and Lacey La Cour.

They are still children.
Still innocent.
Still unaware of the secrets surrounding them.

They cannot possibly know that decisions being made by the adults around them will someday become part of their own inheritance.

An inheritance measured not only in wealth...

but in love, betrayal, secrets, and consequences.

That is one of the reasons The Grand Hotel is such an important part of the La Cour story.

THIS IS THE BEGINNING.

Before Nicholas became a player in a dangerous game of love and betrayal...

Before Lacey discovered that sometimes the people closest to your heart can hurt you the most...

Before the lovers, players, seducers, secrets, revenge, and scandals...

THERE WAS THE GRAND HOTEL.

🎧 NOW YOU CAN LISTEN ON SPOTIFY! 🎧

I am thrilled that readers—and now listeners—can experience The Grand Hotel in audio.

Put on your headphones.
Pour yourself something wonderful.
Dim the lights.

And step through the doors of the Grand Hotel, where the chandeliers sparkle, the champagne flows, beautiful people smile...

AND ALMOST EVERYBODY IS HIDING SOMETHING.

🎧 LISTEN TO THE GRAND HOTEL ON SPOTIFY

Prefer to turn the pages yourself?

📚 READ THE GRAND HOTEL ON AMAZON

THE GRAND HOTEL

The Origin Story of the La Cour Dynasty

The Beginning of the Lovers, Players & Seducers Series

Behind every smile is a secret.

Behind every secret is a lie.

And every La Cour lie has consequences.

Welcome to The Grand Hotel.

THE DOORS ARE OPEN.

The question is...

Are you ready to discover what happened inside?

— J. A. Jackson

SO, AUTHOR J. A. JACKSON…
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING LATELY?

An Extremely Serious Interview with an Author Who Has Absolutely No Intention of Being Serious

“So, Author J. A. Jackson, what have you been doing lately?”

Excuse me?

What did you just ask me?

What have I been doing lately?

I stared at the person interviewing me.

They stared back.

Apparently, they expected an answer.

My first thought was:

PANIC?

My second thought was:

CRY?

My third thought was:

TAKE A NAP AND HOPE THIS PERSON IS GONE WHEN I WAKE UP?

Instead, I took a long, suspicious look at the person sitting across from me and wondered exactly when this innocent little interview had turned into a GET-IN-J. A. JACKSON'S-BUSINESS INVESTIGATION.

Really?

Seriously?

You want to know what I've been doing in 2026?

HOW LONG HAVE YOU GOT?

Pull up a chair.

Get comfortable.

I'll try not to wonder why I agreed to this interview in the first place.

Actually…

What was the question again?

Oh, yes.

“What have you been doing lately?”

Are you sure you don't want me to sing Janet Jackson's famous song about that instead?

No?

Okay.

How about this:

Would you like some peanut butter cookies?

I make excellent peanut butter cookies.

I'll even put extra peanut butter in them.

Why?

BECAUSE WHILE YOU'RE CHEWING, YOU CAN'T ASK ME ANY MORE QUESTIONS.

Unfortunately, my interviewer wasn't falling for it.

Apparently, this person had been promised material for a Fabulous Newsletter and wasn't leaving without it.

Fine.

You win.

Let me tell you what Author J. A. Jackson has been doing lately.

I'VE BEEN INTERVIEWING PEOPLE WHO DON'T EXIST.

There.

I said it.

I have been interviewing characters for my upcoming books.

Yes.

Interviewing them.

Sometimes weekly.

Sometimes daily.

Sometimes at ridiculous hours when respectable fictional people should be asleep.

But my characters are not respectable.

They live rent-free in my head, eat all the imaginary food, create unnecessary drama, fall in love with inappropriate people, uncover family secrets nobody asked them to uncover—and then have the nerve to wake me up with ideas.

These pesky little boogers never leave me alone.

Yes.

I said BOOGERS.

Because some characters are exactly like that dried little clump of nasal foolishness you wake up with in the morning.

You didn't invite it.

You don't know where it came from.

But somehow—

THERE IT IS.

And now you have to deal with it.

Welcome to the glamorous life of an author.

AUDITIONS ARE NOW OPEN!

Before I allow one of these people to become the hero or heroine of an entire novel, I need to know something important:

CAN YOU CARRY A STORY?

Being handsome isn't enough.

Being beautiful isn't enough.

Having abs that could grate Parmesan cheese?

Impressive.

But still not enough.

I need to know how my characters behave when life goes completely off the rails.

So I pull out my trusty list of Character Interview Questions.

And that's when things get weird.

Very weird.

QUESTION #1: THE GROCERY CART CATASTROPHE

You're in the grocery store.

Your cart suddenly breaks.

One wheel flies toward Frozen Foods.

Your eggs hit the floor.

Your oranges roll into Produce.

Your toilet paper sails past an elderly woman.

And your family-size package of underwear lands directly in front of the most attractive person you've seen in six months.

What is the FIRST thing you do?

A. Scream.

B. Pretend none of it belongs to you.

C. Blame Walmart.

D. Pick up the underwear, look the attractive stranger directly in the eye and say, “Well… since you've already seen them…”

Now THAT tells me something about a character.

THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

A zombie outbreak starts RIGHT NOW.

What completely useless, non-weapon item does my character insist on saving?

Family photographs?

Coffee maker?

Favorite shoes?

A forty-seven-inch television?

Grandmère's cast-iron skillet?

The Wi-Fi router?

Wait.

WHY ARE YOU TAKING THE ROUTER?

The zombies have eaten Comcast.

THERE IS NO INTERNET.

Put it down and RUN!

THE GREAT WI-FI MELTDOWN

The internet disappears for one entire week.

How long before my character loses it?

Five minutes?

Three hours?

Day two?

Or does my character stand in the middle of the living room holding the router over their head screaming:

“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
I'VE ALREADY UNPLUGGED YOU AND PLUGGED YOU BACK IN!”

This is important character development, people.

I am a professional.

Please try to keep up.

THE UNATTENDED FRENCH FRY TEST

Would my character steal one French fry from a stranger's unattended plate if they were starving and 100% certain nobody was looking?

Think carefully.

Because today it's one French fry.

Tomorrow it's someone's inheritance.

Then somebody discovers Grandma changed the will.

Next thing you know, there are three bodies, a suspicious butler and a detective named Earl asking questions.

This is how novels happen.

THE EMERGENCY HAIR QUESTION

My character wakes up on the morning of the most important event of their life.

Wedding.

Job interview.

Book signing.

Meeting with the President.

Whatever.

Their hair is frozen into a shape resembling a frightened porcupine struck by lightning.

What do they do?

Panic? Cry? Cancel? Wear a bucket?

Or walk outside and announce:

“YES. I MEANT TO DO THIS.”

That's the character I want.

THE 3:00 A.M. TOE TEST

My character gets out of bed at three in the morning and stubs their little toe against the coffee table.

What happens next?

Do they whisper:

“Oh, excuse me, Mr. Coffee Table.”

Or do they invent a curse word so powerful that somewhere in Louisiana Grandmère Catherine suddenly sits straight up in bed and says:

“WHO SAID THAT?”

Important questions.

Important research.

This is literature, my darlings.

BUT WAIT—THERE'S MORE.

Someone leaves my character ON READ for four days after a perfectly normal text.

How long before the revenge fantasy begins?

Day one: They're probably busy.

Day two: Maybe their phone died.

Day three: Perhaps they were kidnapped.

Day four:

I HOPE THEY WERE KIDNAPPED.

Because now my character has planned an entire imaginary courtroom trial, divorce, funeral and revenge sequence—and these two people weren't even dating.

EXCELLENT.
YOU'RE HIRED.

Welcome to the book.

AT THIS POINT, MY INTERVIEWER LOOKED CONCERNED.

I leaned back in my chair.

“Well?”

Silence.

“Didn't you think any of that was funny?”

More silence.

I narrowed my eyes.

“What's wrong with you?”

My interviewer slowly looked down at their notes.

I continued.

“And another thing. Are you buying me dinner after all this?”

Apparently not.

Fine.

I'm keeping my peanut butter cookies.

BUT SERIOUSLY, MY DARLINGS…

Yes, I wrote this quirky little story because somebody needed material for my latest newsletter.

But the truth is, this really is part of how stories happen for me.

Characters arrive.

Sometimes quietly.

Sometimes loudly.

Sometimes they practically kick down the front door of my imagination and announce:

“MOVE OVER.
THIS BOOK IS ABOUT ME.”

And I listen.

I ask questions.

I imagine impossible situations.

I let them argue with me.

And eventually those strange little conversations become mysteries, romances, betrayals, weddings, legends, magical adventures, family secrets—and sometimes a very suspicious cannoli.

And if you enjoyed spending these few ridiculous minutes inside my head…

YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WRITE AN ENTIRE BOOK.

Because I've been busy.

VERY BUSY.

We're talking legendary queens of California.

Hidden bloodlines. Contractual fiancés. Matchmakers. Wedding planners. Italian chefs. Secret recipes. Paranormal dreams. Women remembering lives that may never have belonged to them.

The California Magic Gang.

A Christmas bride who disappeared forty years ago.

Magic in Firebaugh, California.

Mysteries around the Berkeley BART station and Telegraph Avenue.

And, because apparently I don't know when to stop—

Sweet Pepper Cajun recipes to impress your family and friends.

I told you not to ask me what I've been doing lately.

But you wouldn't listen.

★ COMING FROM AUTHOR J. A. JACKSON ★

LATE 2026 THROUGH 2027

The Deceiver's Vow
The Deceiver's Secret Series, Book III

The Deceiver's Secret — New Edition

The CROWN And The ROSE

The Contractual Fiancée
An ancient queen. A hidden bloodline. A contractual fiancé.

The Matchmaker, the Makeover and Matteo Costa's Last Pork Schiacciata

The Matchmaker, the Wedding Planner, and Dante Costa's Secret Recipe

WHEN A TAKER DREAMS — BOOK III: WHEN THE MATCHMAKER DREAMS

The California Magic Gang and the Christmas Bride Who Never Arrived

The Matchmaker, the Wedding Planner, and Luca Costa's Last Cannoli — Book II

The Woman Who Remembered Lives That Were Never Hers

The Law of Ending

WHEW.

Are you happy now?

You asked what I've been doing.

THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING.

Writing.

Rewriting.

Creating characters.

Interviewing imaginary people.

Arguing with imaginary people.

Falling in love with imaginary people.

Occasionally threatening imaginary people.

And drinking something while wondering why these imaginary people refuse to follow the outline I painstakingly created for them.

Such is the glamorous life of an author.

Now—

if this interview is finally over—

I'm going to make those peanut butter cookies.

And NO…

YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE.

You should have minded your business.

With love, laughter, books & just a little bit of magic,

Author J. A. Jackson

Take time off from the world…
Enter the mind of Author J. A. Jackson.

And whatever you do—

DON'T ASK WHAT SHE'S BEEN DOING LATELY.

Join My ARC Team Be The First To Read My Books!

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J. A. Jackson ARC Team Application

United States Readers

Thank you for your interest in joining my ARC team. I’m inviting readers to apply for a free advance copy of the first ten chapters of one of the books below and share their honest first impressions.

Books Available for Consideration

• The Matchmaker, the Makeover and Matteo Costa’s Last Pork Schiacciata
• Lovers, Players, Seducers Book IV: When Lavender Meets Flint! It’s Magic!
• Lovers, Players, Seducers Book V: Kadira & Mateo
• Lovers, Players, Seducers Book III: The Betrayal of Nicholas La Cour
• Deceiver Secret Book II
• Deceiver Secret Book III: The Deceiver’s Row
• When A Taker Dreams Book II
• The Contractual Fiancée
• The Crown & The Rose

PLEASE LIST THE BOOK YOU WISH TO READ HERE:

For Readers Interested in The Contractual Fiancée

An ancient queen.
A hidden bloodline.
A contractual fiancé.

When a mysterious parchment connects Olivia Jackson to the legendary Queen Califia, an ancient covenant awakens. As the Living Veil weakens, Olivia and Rowan DeVille face danger, family secrets, and an unexpected attraction.

The launch of The Contractual Fiancée is planned for February 2027. I’ll share confirmed launch dates and review timing for each book with selected readers.

California and West Coast readers may receive priority for local launch opportunities, but readers throughout the United States are welcome to apply. Applying does not guarantee an advance or print copy.

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J. A. Jackson

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Thank you for your interest in reading J. A. Jackson!

Romance • Mystery • Suspense • Magic • California Stories

ALL ABOARD!

The Misery-Loves-Com-Pany
Petty Cruiser Express

A little comedy about Negative Betty, Negative Bob, Gertrude—and the rest of the people we can never quite escape.

By J. A. Jackson

---

There comes a moment in every grown person's life when you realize something both beautiful and deeply disappointing:

Retirement does not mean you have retired from people.

Oh, no.

You may have retired from the job.

You may have turned in your badge, cleaned out your desk, deleted seventeen passwords you never wanted to remember in the first place, and carried your favorite coffee mug out of the building like an Olympic torch.

You may even have driven away from your former workplace singing, "FREE AT LAST!" loud enough to frighten people at the stoplight.

But somewhere, somehow, a Negative Betty is still waiting for you.

And if Betty can't make it?

Don't worry.

Gertrude has your address.

I had once believed retirement meant I would finally be free from the Gertrudes of this world.

You know Gertrude.

Everybody knows a Gertrude.

Gertrude can walk into a room where somebody just won the lottery and say, "Well, you know you're going to have to pay taxes on that."

She can attend a beautiful wedding and whisper, "I give it eighteen months."

She can look at a newborn baby and say, "Cute. Hopefully, he'll grow into those ears."

Gertrude does not merely see the glass as half empty.

Gertrude wants to know who drank the other half without permission.

Then there is Negative Betty.

Betty is Gertrude's spiritual cousin.

You can tell Betty, "It's a beautiful day."

Betty will look suspiciously at the sky.

"Too beautiful. Probably earthquake weather."

Tell her you planted roses.

"Aphids."

Bought a new car?

"Depreciation."

Going on vacation?

"Bedbugs."

Got a promotion?

"More taxes."

Lost ten pounds?

"You'll probably gain twelve back."

Found five dollars on the sidewalk?

"Somebody probably died there."

Betty has never met a silver lining she couldn't beat to death with a dark cloud.

And naturally, Negative Betty is frequently accompanied by Negative Bob.

Bob is equally gifted.

Bob doesn't just complain.

Bob provides supporting documentation.

If you casually mention that eggs are expensive, Bob has charts.

If somebody says traffic seems bad, Bob knows which mayor started it, what year it happened, and why civilization has been collapsing ever since they installed that second stoplight near the supermarket.

And then we have the most powerful member of this fascinating species:

MR. CRAP STARTER.

Mr. Crap Starter can enter a peaceful family barbecue where seventeen relatives are eating ribs and potato salad and announce:

"So… nobody's going to talk about what happened at Thanksgiving?"

Sir.

Please.

People are eating.

---

Then Retirement Taught Me the Terrible Truth

These people don't disappear when you leave the workforce.

They scatter.

Some are relatives.

Some attend your church.

Some belong to your book club.

Some live three houses down.

And sometimes—because apparently the Universe enjoys comedy—they live right next door.

Which brings me to the afternoon my muse saved me.

I had gone outside to check the mail.

That was all.

I wasn't seeking adventure.

I wasn't looking for enlightenment.

I wasn't trying to uncover the meaning of life.

I wanted my mail.

I had almost reached the safety of my front door when I heard it.

"Well, helloooooo!"

My hand froze on the mailbox.

Every cell in my body knew that voice.

Negative Betty.

I turned slowly.

There she stood.

And beside her?

Bob.

Of course Bob was there.

They approached with the determined stride of two people carrying information nobody had requested.

"Have you noticed what's happening around here?" Betty asked.

I had not.

But apparently, I was about to.

Bob immediately joined in.

"And another thing—"

Those three words should come with an emergency alert.

AND ANOTHER THING.

Because nobody has ever followed "and another thing" with:

"You're wonderful."

No.

"And another thing" means buckle up, buttercup.

A complaint is coming.

Betty took my left ear.

Bob claimed the right.

Not physically, mind you.

But spiritually?

My ears were hostages.

Betty complained about the neighborhood.

Bob complained about prices.

Betty complained about somebody's garbage cans.

Bob complained about somebody parking incorrectly.

Betty complained about somebody else's grass.

Bob apparently had strong feelings about delivery trucks.

They talked.

And talked.

And talked.

I nodded occasionally.

"Mmm-hmm."

"Oh."

"Really?"

These are the sacred survival words of a person whose soul has already left the conversation.

---

And Then My Mind Rescued Me

Something miraculous happened.

My mind simply said:

Girl, come with me.

And suddenly, I was gone.

Not physically.

Physically, I remained beside my mailbox holding three pieces of junk mail and a grocery store flyer.

But mentally?

I was standing at a magnificent harbor beneath a golden sunset.

And coming toward the dock was the largest, most spectacular cruise ship I had ever seen.

She was enormous.

She was elegant.

She was gleaming.

And painted across her side in giant gold letters were the words:

ALL ABOARD

THE MISERY-LOVES-COM-PANY

PETTY CRUISER EXPRESS

I nearly cried.

She was beautiful.

A brass band began playing.

The boarding ramp lowered.

Then came an announcement.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome aboard the Misery-Loves-Com-Pany Petty Cruiser Express, where every complaint is complimentary!"

I stared in wonder.

Negative Betty appeared at the boarding gate.

She looked thrilled.

Bob stood beside her carrying three suitcases and what appeared to be a binder labeled THINGS WRONG WITH THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

"Welcome aboard!" cried the cruise director.

Behind them came Gertrude.

Then another Betty.

Then a Gilbert.

Then a Gil.

Then three Bobs.

Then a woman dragging two enormous suitcases labeled OLD GRUDGES and THINGS PEOPLE SAID IN 1997.

The crowd erupted in applause.

Apparently, these were preferred passengers.

---

Welcome to the World's Pettiest Luxury Cruise

The ship had everything they could possibly desire.

There was the All-You-Can-Complain Buffet, open twenty-four hours a day.

The Grievance Lounge, where every table came equipped with a manager you could demand to speak to.

The Petty Casino, where passengers could gamble using other people's business.

The I Told You So Theater offered two shows nightly.

At the spa, guests could receive the signature Hot Stone Resentment Treatment, during which heated grievances were placed directly upon the shoulders and carried for another twenty years.

There was even a special observation deck called The Judgment Balcony, where passengers could stand with binoculars and criticize strangers from a safe distance.

It was paradise.

For them.

The captain's voice came over the loudspeaker.

"Attention passengers. Tonight's activities include Competitive Gossip at six, Jumping to Conclusions at seven, and our annual Making Something Out of Nothing Championship at eight."

Betty squealed.

Bob checked the schedule.

"I hope they organized it properly."

Of course he did.

BWAAAAAAAH!

The horn blasted.

The great ship began pulling away from the dock.

I stood waving.

Not because I wanted anything terrible to happen to them.

Heavens, no.

I am a writer.

This is satire.

Nobody is actually being shipped anywhere.

But in my imagination?

Oh, my darlings.

That ship was sailing.

The Misery-Loves-Com-Pany Petty Cruiser Express glided across the sparkling ocean, carrying every unnecessary complaint, unsolicited opinion, recycled family argument, neighborhood grievance, workplace feud, passive-aggressive remark, and twenty-year-old grudge that had ever disturbed somebody's peaceful afternoon.

The passengers were having the time of their lives.

One woman was already complaining that the ocean was too wet.

A man wanted to speak to someone about the sunset.

Gertrude had discovered the dessert bar.

"These cakes are too sweet."

Naturally.

Gilbert was upset because his cabin had an ocean view.

"I specifically asked for something quieter."

Sir.

You are on a ship.

Bob had cornered the captain.

"And another thing—"

The captain looked terrified.

For one glorious moment, I felt sorry for him.

Then I remembered this was my daydream.

I gave him a lifeboat.

Meanwhile, the ship continued toward its completely fictional destination near the Bermuda Triangle, where, in my imagination, all petty complaints would mysteriously disappear into a giant cosmic suggestion box.

Not the people.

Just the nonsense.

Even my imagination has rules.

---

Back at the Mailbox...

Suddenly, a voice broke through.

"Are you listening to me?"

The ocean vanished.

The cruise ship disappeared.

The brass band stopped.

I was back beside my mailbox.

Betty was staring at me.

Bob was staring at me.

Apparently, I had been smiling.

This concerned them.

"Are you okay?" Betty asked.

"Oh, I'm wonderful," I said.

And for once, I meant it.

Bob frowned.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing."

Because how could I possibly explain it?

How could I tell them that thirty seconds earlier, they had been enjoying unlimited access to the Grievance Lounge while sailing toward a cosmic Bermuda Triangle aboard a luxury cruise ship designed specifically for chronically dissatisfied people?

Some things should remain between a woman and her muse.

I gathered my mail.

"Well, I'd better get inside."

Betty nodded.

"We were just saying—"

"Oh, I know."

I smiled sweetly.

"I heard everything."

Technically, that was questionable.

But spiritually, I felt comfortable with the statement.

---

The Lesson I Learned From the Petty Cruiser Express

I walked toward my house while Betty and Bob remained near the sidewalk, already moving on to their next topic.

And that's when I realized something.

Maybe we can't escape every Negative Betty.

Maybe Gertrude will always find us.

Maybe Bob will forever have "another thing."

Maybe Mr. Crap Starter will continue showing up at family gatherings with a wooden spoon and an overwhelming desire to stir a pot nobody asked him to touch.

But we don't have to board their ship.

That's the trick.

Other people's misery does not require our membership.

Their complaints do not need permanent residence inside our heads.

Their negativity doesn't automatically become our negativity simply because they delivered it personally.

Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is smile, nod, protect your peace—and mentally book them a cruise.

So the next time someone corners you at work, church, the grocery store, a family reunion, or beside your own innocent mailbox and starts pouring doom into both your ears, don't argue.

Don't panic.

Don't even run.

Just close your eyes for half a second.

Listen carefully.

Far off in the distance, you may hear it.

BWAAAAAAAH!

That's the horn.

The boarding ramp is lowering.

The buffet is open.

The Grievance Lounge has plenty of seating.

And the magnificent Misery-Loves-Com-Pany Petty Cruiser Express is preparing to sail.

Bon voyage, Betty.

Safe travels, Bob.

Gertrude, sweetheart, your cabin is ready.

And Mr. Crap Starter?

Please report immediately to the Lido Deck.

They're expecting you.

This has been a work of comedy and imagination. No Negative Bettys, Bobs, Gertrudes, Gils, Gilberts, or professional Crap Starters were harmed during the writing of this story.

Although several were mentally upgraded to ocean-view cabins.

And frankly?

They complained about those, too.

---

Written by J. A. Jackson

Finding humor, imagination, and a little magic in the people and moments that make life interesting.

Until next time, protect your peace—and listen for the cruise ship horn.

Envy No One for Whatever You See

A Price Was Paid for It

We live in a world where we are constantly looking at other people’s lives.

We see the beautiful house.

The successful career.

The happy marriage.

The published book.

The new car.

The expensive vacation.

The beautiful clothes.

The person who seems confident, peaceful, successful, and completely sure of where they are going.

And sometimes, quietly, a thought enters our minds:

Why can’t that be me?

We may never say it aloud.

We may even be ashamed to admit that we feel it.

But envy is human.

It usually begins when we compare what we know about our own lives with what we can see of someone else’s.

And that comparison is almost never fair.

Because we know every painful detail of our own journey.

We know about the nights we cried.

We know about the bills.

We know about the disappointments.

We know about the doors that closed.

We know about the mistakes we wish we could take back.

We know about the prayers that seemed to go unanswered.

But when we look at someone else, we usually see only what survived.

We see the finished house.

We do not see the years of saving.

We see the degree hanging on the wall.

We do not see the student studying at two in the morning.

We see the successful business.

We do not see the years when nobody believed in it.

We see the beautiful marriage.

We do not see the forgiveness, patience, compromise, and difficult conversations that may have been required to keep two people together.

We see the bestselling author holding a finished book.

We do not see the rejected manuscripts, the rewrites, the sleepless nights, or the years when that writer wondered whether anyone would ever care about the stories they had to tell.

We see the crown.
We rarely see what it cost to wear it.

That is why I have come to believe something very simple:

“Envy no one for whatever you see.
A price was paid for it.”

You Don’t Know the Whole Story

There is something dangerous about comparing lives from the outside.

You can admire someone’s strength without knowing what forced them to become strong.

You can envy someone’s independence without knowing what they lost before learning how to stand alone.

You can envy someone’s confidence without knowing how many years they spent believing they were not enough.

You can envy someone’s peace without knowing what they finally had to walk away from to find it.

You can envy someone’s success without knowing how many times they failed before the world finally called them successful.

Sometimes the very thing we envy was born from something we would never have volunteered to endure.

That changes the way we should look at people.

Every Beautiful Thing Has a Backstory

Imagine standing at the bottom of a mountain.

Far above you is someone standing at the top.

From where you are, the view surrounding that person looks magnificent.

You see sunlight.

You see accomplishment.

You see victory.

You may think, I wish I were standing where they are.

But you did not see the climb.

You didn’t see their bleeding feet.

You didn’t see the places where they almost fell.

You didn’t hear them crying when they thought they couldn’t take another step.

You weren’t there when people they loved stopped climbing with them.

You didn’t see how many times they looked toward the top and wondered whether the journey was worth it.

You arrived in time to see the view.
They lived through the climb.

That is the part envy forgets.

Some Prices Cannot Be Seen

Not every price is money.

Sometimes the price is time.

Sometimes it is sacrifice.

Sometimes it is loneliness.

Sometimes it is discipline.

Sometimes it is starting over.

Sometimes it is hearing “no” a hundred times before finally hearing “yes.”

Sometimes the price is leaving people you love because staying means losing yourself.

Sometimes it is forgiving someone who never apologized.

Sometimes it is learning to forgive yourself.

And sometimes the price is surviving something you would never wish on another human being.

There are people walking around today carrying victories that were purchased with tears nobody saw.

That beautiful smile may have survived heartbreak.

That peaceful spirit may have survived chaos.

That confident woman may once have questioned everything about herself.

That strong man may have cried where nobody could see him.

That person you believe has everything may still carry scars beneath clothes expensive enough to hide them.

Success does not erase suffering.

Beauty does not prove an easy life.

Money does not prevent loneliness.

And a smile does not tell you everything happening inside a human heart.

Social Media Makes Us Forget

Today, comparison has become almost effortless.

With one swipe of a finger, we can look into hundreds of lives.

Someone got married.

Someone bought a house.

Someone lost fifty pounds.

Someone signed a book deal.

Someone traveled to Paris.

Someone started a business.

Someone is celebrating an anniversary.

Someone appears to be living the exact life we once imagined for ourselves.

And suddenly our own lives can begin to feel smaller.

But photographs don’t tell complete stories.

A photograph captures a second.
A human life contains years.

We should never compare our entire story to somebody else’s carefully chosen moment.

Their beautiful moment does not diminish ours.

Their success does not mean we have failed.

Their season is not evidence that ours will never come.

And their path was never supposed to be ours.

Admiration Is Different From Envy

There is nothing wrong with seeing something beautiful in another person’s life and saying:

“That inspires me.”

There is nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself.

There is nothing wrong with dreaming bigger.

The danger begins when admiration becomes resentment.

When someone else’s blessing starts feeling like evidence that life has cheated us.

That is when we need to remember:

We don’t know what that person paid.

And more importantly, we don’t know what our own journey is still preparing for us.

Someone else’s harvest does not mean your field is empty.

Perhaps you are still planting.

Perhaps you are still watering.

Perhaps something beneath the soil is growing even though you cannot see it yet.

There Is a Price Behind Your Life Too

Here is the part we often forget.

While you are looking at someone else, somebody may be looking at you.

They may admire something you barely notice anymore.

Your courage.

Your family.

Your creativity.

Your independence.

Your ability to laugh after everything you’ve experienced.

Your willingness to begin again.

Your kindness after people have been unkind to you.

Your ability to keep believing when life has given you reasons to stop.

They see the flower.

You remember the dirt.

They see the strength.

You remember the battle.

They see the person you have become.

You remember everything it cost to become that person.

And maybe that is the lesson.

We are all looking through windows into lives whose complete stories we cannot see.

So Envy No One

The next time you feel envy rising inside you, don’t condemn yourself for being human.

Instead, become curious.

Ask yourself:

“What am I really longing for?”

Maybe envy is pointing toward a dream you have neglected.

Maybe someone else’s courage is reminding you to use your own.

Maybe someone else’s success is showing you what is possible rather than what you lack.

Turn comparison into inspiration.

Then return your attention to your own road.

Because your life is asking something different from you.

Your mountain has a different shape.

Your lessons have different names.

Your timing is different.

Your price will be different.

And your victory will belong to you.

So when you see someone standing in a beautiful place, celebrate them.

When someone finally reaches a dream, applaud them.

When someone receives something you are still waiting for, resist the temptation to believe that their blessing has taken something away from you.

You don’t know the road they traveled.

You don’t know what they surrendered.

You don’t know what they survived.

You don’t know what they had to become.

You are seeing the view.

You did not see the climb.

And someday, someone may look at your life and wonder how you became so strong, so peaceful, so successful, or so sure of yourself.

They may never know about the nights you almost gave up.

They may never know about the tears.

They may never know about the sacrifices.

They may never know how many times you had to begin again.

They will simply see you standing there.

And perhaps that is when you will understand these words more deeply than ever:

Envy no one for whatever you see.

A price was paid for it.

And some of the highest prices are paid in places the world will never see.

Written from the heart by

J. A. Jackson

AUTHOR • STORYTELLER • DREAMER