Have you ever heard any of the following?
1. Go on dates with someone for a period of 90 days before ever considering having sex.
2. Go on dates with someone for a period of 6 months before ever considering having sex.
3. Go on dates with someone for a period of 9 months before ever considering having sex.
Why do I ask this? Well, the persons who told me that they go on dates for six to nine months before ever having sex with the person they are dating, swore to me that this lead to a marriage proposal.
And you guessed it, the person who waited 3 months said that they wished that they had waited and got to know the person better.
Why do I ask this? To gage what you might think.
The idea of waiting a certain amount of time before becoming physically intimate with someone you’re dating sparks plenty of debate. People often wonder if waiting longer leads to stronger, more successful relationships. Let's dive into what the statistics and research say about the connection between dating duration, long-term relationships, and marriage outcomes.
What Statistics Say About Longer Dating Before Marriage
1. Longer Courtships Often Lead to Stronger Marriages
Studies have shown that couples who date for a longer period before getting married tend to have more stable and satisfying marriages. For example, a study by Emory University found that couples who dated for at least three years before tying the knot were 39% less likely to divorce than those who dated for less than a year. Longer dating periods allow couples to build a solid foundation of trust, communication, and compatibility before making a lifelong commitment.
2. Getting to Know Each Other Reduces Risk
Research suggests that the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, where everything feels perfect, typically lasts around six months to a year. During this time, couples often focus on the positives and overlook potential red flags. Extending the dating period allows time for the honeymoon phase to fade and for both individuals to see each other's true selves. This can lead to more informed decisions about long-term compatibility.
3. Physical Intimacy and Relationship Outcomes
The timing of physical intimacy can also play a role in relationship success. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who waited until after marriage to have sex reported higher relationship satisfaction, better communication, and stronger bonds than those who became intimate earlier in the relationship. While waiting until marriage isn’t for everyone, the study suggests that delaying physical intimacy can give couples time to focus on emotional and intellectual connection first.
4. The Role of Intentions and Compatibility
Couples who date for longer periods are more likely to have discussed their life goals, values, and deal-breakers. This level of intentionality can weed out mismatches and reduce the risk of divorce. Conversely, rushing into a relationship or marriage without truly understanding your partner's values and character can lead to regret or separation.
What About Dating for 3, 6, or 9 Months Before Sex?
While research on specific time frames before sex is limited, the underlying principle is clear: giving a relationship time to develop before physical intimacy can lead to better long-term outcomes. Here's why:
• Building Trust: Trust grows over time, and taking things slowly allows both partners to feel secure in the relationship.
• Assessing Compatibility: Beyond chemistry, emotional and lifestyle compatibility is key to relationship longevity.
• Avoiding "Love Goggles": Delaying physical intimacy can prevent emotional attachment from clouding judgment about red flags or compatibility issues.
Those who wait longer—6 to 9 months—before having sex often report feeling more confident about their partner's intentions and commitment. On the other hand, those who rush into intimacy may later realize they didn’t know their partner as well as they thought.
Does Waiting Always Lead to a Proposal?
Not necessarily. While waiting longer can improve the chances of a stable and fulfilling relationship, it doesn’t guarantee a proposal or marriage. Other factors, like shared values, emotional connection, and mutual goals, are equally important.
The person who waited six to nine months before intimacy might have had success because this time frame allowed them to deeply evaluate the relationship. However, the key isn’t just waiting but also using that time to communicate openly, resolve conflicts, and align future plans.
Key Takeaways
• Longer dating periods (whether before sex or marriage) allow couples to better understand each other, reducing the risk of divorce and increasing relationship satisfaction.
• The 6–9-month timeframe before intimacy can work well for individuals seeking serious, long-term relationships because it allows the emotional connection to grow before adding physical elements.
• Waiting to have sex isn’t about arbitrary rules—it’s about ensuring the relationship is built on a strong emotional and intellectual foundation first. Ultimately, the right timing will vary for each person. What matters most is whether the relationship is progressing in a way that feels healthy, respectful, and aligned with your values and long-term goals.
