I had a friend, who dated a narcissist for almost five years. She described those years as a journey through hell and back, with extreme highs of attraction followed by devastating lows of rejection and abuse. The relationship was filled with gaslighting, mental and verbal abuse, and constant confusion. Now that she’s out of that toxic relationship, she’s afraid to start dating again, wondering if she’s somehow only capable of attracting narcissists.
For her it’s like she believes she is wearing some invisible perfume that draws the wrong people. I get what she is saying because I grew up hearing my mother, grandmother and aunties give advice like saying. “The reason that woman can’t get a man is because she wears desperation perfume. Or She’s got on that rejection perfume again, she can’t catch a good man, wearing that.” You get the picture.
Now back to my friend.
During our conversation, I told her that the number one thing to do if you suspect you’re on a date with a narcissist is to trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Everyone is born with an innate ability to sense danger—some call it a gut feeling, others call it intuition. Yet, many people ignore these feelings, especially when someone seems charming, confident, or powerful. Believe it, many narcissists are charming, confident and powerful.
When you go out on a date, don’t ignore gut feelings. You should do the opposite. First, tune up your personal radar and observe the subtle signs around you. Our subconscious mind picks up on body language, facial expressions, eye contact, tone of voice, and more. These indicators can send signals to your gut, alerting you if someone doesn’t seem genuine. So, my advice is to pay careful attention and always trust your gut.
Also, remember if you are with a narcissist, they can place their attention elsewhere while with you. Notice when they do, and what their attention captures. At the point when somebody doesn't appear to be earnest, these signs can convey messages to your stomach, your gut.
Subsequently, listen cautiously to the words your date says, and pay attention to your gut feelings. Here are some signs to look for, these signs can help you determine whether you may be dating a narcissist.
• Outrageous Self-Focus: They rule the conversation, ceaselessly examining themselves, their achievements, and their tendencies without showing genuine interest in your life or experiences.
• Absence of Compassion/Empathy: When you share individual stories or opinions, they have every one of the reserves of being uninterested or vainglorious, and they show basically no concern for your feelings.
• Pretentiousness: They overstate their accomplishments while making light of those of others and lauding their predominance, extraordinary capacities, or encounters.
• They Require Respect: They anticipate that you should be in wonder of them and continually look for approval and praises.
• Honor: They have an expanded inclination for self-centeredness, expecting phenomenal treatment and turning out to be vexed in case things don't end up great for them.
• Manipulative Approach to acting: They use allure, hero worship, or constrain to control the conversation or situation for their expected advantage.
• Conceit and Haughtiness: They dissuade, make demonizing comments, or show a tendency to dominate, much of the time making you feel shoddy or insignificant.
• Non-Accountability: They do not take accountability and regularly blame others.
• Revolve around Appearance: They are unreasonably stressed over genuine appearance, both theirs and yours, and may make summing up comments.
• Quick Change in Mind-set or Consideration: In the event that they are not the focal point of consideration or on the other hand in the event that things don't spin around them, they may abruptly lose interest in the discussion or become peevish.
All in all: It tends to be challenging to explore the dating scene after a poisonous relationship, however paying attention to your gut feelings is fundamental. Remember, your impulse is your best accomplice. It helps you with examining the honest prompts and safeguard yourself from hurt. Center around how you feel, focus on your stomach, and don't dismiss the admonitions. You will have a superior possibility of finding a relationship that really praises and regards you assuming you do this.
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